so, the whole round the world in one night thing

why would he have to visit the houses that dont celebrate christmas?
he’d just have to hit the houses that held christmas celebrating families
so alot of the world would be left out
therefore with time zones in effect, it would not be as many people
so traveling in a medium speed flying craft able to make roof landings both silently asnd without breaking through the roof is seemingly plausible

there will have to be some math put into this to be certain
but its atleast much closer to possible then around the whole world and every house

yeah man santa can do it in his ROQUEFORT CAR!

that would be interesting to see

I think that people in the US celebrate christmas in a pretty weird way.
The rest of the world (not counting Canada. Canadiens scare me) opens their presents December 24 and Santa is there to give the kids their shit.

Wait, america doesn’t do that?

holy shit.

No, we’re freaks. Instead, on the morning of Dec. 25th, we look at the base of our Christmas tree to see that presents have miraculously appeared there because Santa came in the middle of the night, climbed down our non-existent chimney, and silently put presents for us under the tree while eating the cookies and milk we set out for him the evening before.

In other words, when Santa comes to America, he acts more like a retarded burglar than a happy, gift giving person everybody can see.

In case you couldn’t tell, my parents were brutally honest with me when I was a child.

I’m not sure how it’s done in Russia, but it’s New Year and Grandpa Frost. Fuck your saints.

Though we do the tree thing at home here in the US. And I know my dad used to be Grandpa Frost in Russia and hand out presents. So I dunno. Maybe we do both.

Our Santa Claus is named Jultomten in Sweden. Hmm… The Chistmas gnome seems to be the closest thing to Jultomen as you cen get in english.

I think that a tomte is a gnome. Well. English is a little make belive language and it sucks ASS and that’s why it is impossible to translate Jultomten to english in a way that makes sense.

In 2007, there were over 300 million people in the U.S. alone. Let’s say 200 million of them celebrate Christmas. Also let’s say there’s an average of three people per home. That’s more than 60 million homes to fly to (approx. 10 seconds from one to another), land on (approx. not that much), climb the possibly existant chinmeys of (approx. 10 seconds each), eat the cookies and drink the milk of (approx. 1 min.), set the presents in (approx. 20 seconds), climb back out the chimney (approx. 10 seconds), and get back in the sled and load the bag (approx. 10 seconds). That’s about two minutes per house, so he can get 30 houses an hour. If he leaves at 10 o’clock, it might take an hour to leave the north pole and get to the U.S., leaving about 7 hours to deliver presents. He could get to only 210 out of the 60 million houses in one night. Also, there’s the whole eating millions of cookies thing, and him writing in the hand-writing of every adult, and, as previously stated, him doing this all silently. Not to mention the facts that reindeer can’t fly, elves don’t exist, and he could never fit down a chimney.

Remember, this is just in the U.S.

santa clause TEAM, anyone?

omgomgomg I was a good boy this year!!! OMG!!! Santaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I want a candy cane, I want a tree, I want a shotgun, I want a new house, I want a girlfriend, and I want to be liked!!! Yay!!! Presents!!! Woooooooooo!!!
(for people who can’t tell, this is all sarcasm, cuz I wanted ot post something >_>)

but on topic, I have no idea wtf CM said

“santa clause TEAM, anyone?”

If there were about 300,000 of them then they could get to the houses (but reindeer still can’t fly).

Has anyone ever wanted to shoot Snta because he’s trespassing on your property? It’s legal (at least it is here).

@ phlake
i have to highly doubt the christmas celebrating people extend to that much of a majority


you just destroyed the cookies and milk thing, as well as being able to cover so many house xD

screw reindeer, he can use a modified delorian xD

Well, most people in the States are Ctholic/Christian/whatever else celebrtes Christmas.

My “a” key is barely working for future reference.

my ‘i’ key was doing that last night

This is really sad.
Do you shoot hobos retards and drunks if they pass your property by accident?
Or maybe the mailman? Or Fedex and IPS drivers?

YES. That is now how I explain how Santa gets to every house in America to little kids.

The best excuse I could come up with was that Santa has cloned himself millions of times over, and is also a wizard, which allows him to enchant several reindeer with a levitation spell that lasts over 8 hours. He also clones reindeer, and at first, no children received presents because Santa was busy having his elves build thousands of sleds for his clones to fly with him on Christmas night, which is what would explain the many sightings by children over the years. Eventually, one of those clones has to slip up, you know?

Now we get to the darker side of Santa (reserved for the older audience dumb enough to ask how Santa performs his once a year route). When that clone screws up, Santa has to toss the entire template. He tries to start with the clone that messed up, but sometimes it doesn’t work, and that Santa clone escapes. A massive chase across the north pole ensues, similar to the events that occur in the movie “The Island.” (Excellent movie, btw. I recommend it) Anyway, Santa eventually captures said clone, and because his cloning technology is somewhat flawed, he has to make an example of said clone so the other clones aren’t inclined to screw up.

So the clones are put in their place, and Santa continues to live on, every once in a while performing a slow route in a remote portion of the world, so as to keep himself fit for the next clone screw-up.

I’ve had quite a while to think about this, as you can plainly see. My backstory of how Santa gets around the world in one night is quite extensive, and a little creepy. I mean, think about it. If Santa suddenly decided he wanted to take over the world, he’s already got a clone army, and a reindeer army too. Not to mention the elves, those little guys could really screw with you.



Why can’t Santa clone himself, then go to every Christmas-celebrating country in the world simultaneously?

Oh, they do. Santa has several fleets of clones, all headed by a mega clone, which Santa has personally trained to be better than all the other clones.