Oh fuck!
Totally changing mine.
Something along the lines of “Talk to me again for something nice!”
“bring me 50 ox testicles
.
.
.
.
…you have an hour”
I’d be that NPC waaaay far away from any civilization, and I’m super hard to find, like in a deep forest or something where nobody ever goes.
When somebody did find me I’d say “Shh, I’m a secret, the developers don’t even know I’m here. Have a muffin.”
I’d give them the 'Muffin of Rapid Level Up", now leveling up is 50% easier, forever!
That or I would sell really perverted fortune cookies.
“I make shit happen”
lol i just thought of another one… i’m a cripple “Still waiting for that electronic stimulus package” 
“…Still waiting for that 2D Metroid game”
An NPC brandishing a GBA/DS.
Never changing my line… EVUR… Well, maybe…
“Listen boy, just because your drunk, doesn’t mean that you cant walk in a straight line. The screen just gets blurry, it’s not fuckin’ GTA4 now is it!?”
My spoon is too big.
"my anus is bleeding… my ANUS is bleeding!