Rise to Ascention, Fall from Godhood

Huh. We don’t seem to have any board that fits fanfictions, so I guess this goes here more than anywhere else.

Bored of the traditional depictions of the Metroid series backstories, I came up with an original and rather interesting idea–of course, I may be biased.

In any case, I present to you … RISE TO ASCENTION, FALL FROM GODHOOD!


Prologue: The Mining Camps

The morning sun gleamed off of a hunched figure’s chitonous back. A voice called a greeting from the horizon, and he looked up. “Eh? Murphy? Yer late. Again.” The man in question bowed his shiny head. “I know. I apologize. I had a runin with one of those blasted Space Dragons, you see, and–” The first bug-person cut him off with a threatening swing of his pickaxe. “Overseer does not care for excuses. Thank the stars he is occupied and did not see you come in. Grab a pick and get to work.” The other bug-person nodded sorrowfully and raised his pick. Slowly, tediously, boredly, they picked away in tandem at the ore pile before them.

Meanwhile, in the watch tower of Mining Camp Delta, the Overseer of the camp was deep in a discussion with his supervisor.

“Sir, I mean no disrespect, but everything is under control here. I assure you.” The robed chozo warrior pointed one clawed finger at a pair of intrepid bug-people hard at work. “The Zebesian Bug-People will not be a problem. Security is plenty tight, and I’ve issued Commando Battle Suits to our most elite guards.”

The supervisor, donning a massive Chozo Power Suit, nodded. “Yes, I understand your contentment with the current state of events. But I must confess, I do not share this sentiment. You’re overworking them. If they revolted–”

“They will not revolt. Everything is fine, my lord.”

“I suppose I’m just overly worried. I have not seen any security holes. I will allow you to continue operations as-is… But any problems, and you assume full responsibility.”

“Naturally, my lord. Thank you for your kindness and generosity.”


Murphy shifted his pointed feet in the sand. “This is such bull.”

Auroc turned to face him and shrugged. “What’s wrong, Murph?”

“Well, all this work we’re doing. And what for? Those goddamned birds are treating us like slaves!”

“Hate to break it to you, kid, but we ARE slaves.”

“That’s just wrong. We were a free people before they arrived. The Zebesian Bug-People, a proud and powerful race. Now we’re just slaves to a bunch of birdbrains!”

“Murph, keep it down. Talk like that could–”

A plasma shot flew past Auroc’s head. “Back to work, men!”

Murphy turned to the source of the blast. “Wha–Lt. Harkal. I apologize.”

Covered from head-to-toe in glistening black armor, with a massive cannon replacing one arm, the Bug-Person known as Harkal was enlisted to Overseer Ki’tchek’s elite guard unit. A massive being, his imposing presence struck fear even in his superior’s, who feared that he might go out of control one day and rebel.

“You damned well better apologize, Smurfy! I don’t want any more flak about Overseer. Or this camp in general. You know the rules! Survival of the fittest! Since the Chozo conquered our race, that means they are more fit, and thus superior to us! Hail the Chozo Empire!”

“Yes…sir…” Murphy lowered his head and raised his pick. Auroc did the same. Soon enough, the monotonous picking recommenced. Hours passed with nothing happening at all; nothing breaking the tedium. Until Harkal discovered that the miner Jetnal was slacking as well.

Chapter 1: The First Attempt

Jetnal threw down his pick in anger and rushed towards Lt. Harkal. Harkal raised his cannon
and glared. “You don’t want to do this, kid. Pick up your tool and continue working, or face
disintegration.”

“I’d rather DIE than continue working for YOU!” Jetnal punched the air for effect.

“So be it. According to regulations, you have five seconds to comply with orders. I suggest
you rethink your plan.”

“Five-four-three-two-one, eh? There. Go ahead, shoot me. I dare you.”

Harkal leveled his gun, but didn’t fire. “What’s going on here? Why so desparate for death?”

“Desparate for release of any sort, you little son of a–”

Suddenly Auroc’s pick slammed down on top of Jetnal’s head from behind. His outer skull
shattered, spewing cerebral matter and fluids everywhere. Auroc shrugged. “I feared he would
irritate you to the point that you would harm us as well.”

Harkal blinked and turned to face Auroc. “Er… Don’t do that again. It’s messy, and against
protocol. But I won’t harm you, you just made my job easier.”

Auroc bowed and returned to work. Murphy looked at him and cocked his head. “What’d ya do
that for? Leave it to the guys with the guns!”

“I figure if I do things like that, I’ll win favor with the staff… win trust. Then they
won’t expect it when I… strike.” He emphasized ‘strike’ with an unusually strong swing of
his pick, sending shards of the boulder flying everywhere.

“When you strike?” Both bug-people were now picking regularly while talking to keep Harkal
from coming over.

“Haven’t you heard? I’m organizing a rebellion. Jetnal was part of the plan. He offered to
sacrifice himself to help our cause. I plan to get trusted enough to be issued a Commando
Suit… Then, no one can stop us. We’ll have numbers AND weapons.”

Murphy’s arm went limp. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of!”

“Would you prefer we spend our whole lives in this godforsaken place?”


A lightly-armored chozo ran into the control room. “Overseer, I must suggest hiring more
personnel as guards. We just had an attempted uprising.”

Ki’Tchek winced and apprehensively turned to face the scout, then the supervisor. “Uh… An
uprising?”

The supervisor chuckled dryly. “I’m never wrong, am I? I wish that weren’t true…”

“Yes, Overseer, an uprising. One of the bug-people attacked a Commando, but another one took
him out with a pickaxe.”

“Why didn’t the Commando do anything?”

“I don’t know, but that’s hardly a high-priority subject.”

Overseer Ki’Tchek nodded. "First off…Miner 24005, codename Auroc. He should be…rewarded."
He turned on the Public Announcement system. “Unit number Two-four-double-oh-five, report to
the command center immediately for a promotion.”


The PA blared. “I Repeat! Two-four-double-oh-five, get in here for a promotion!”

Auroc blinked. “Already? That was fast. Well, seeya, Murph!” He dropped his pick and
scurried off.

Chapter 2: Betrayal

Auroc arrived at Command Center Delta with a cheery expression hiding his dark intentions. He
skipped up the stairs quickly, and slammed open the door. Grinning–or at least approximating
a grin with his bipartite mandible structure–he greeted the Overseer clumsily. Standing beside
the overseer was Harkal.

Lt. Harkal quickly raised his gun and blasted a hole through Auroc’s chest. The carapace was
instantly ruptured by the massive plasma blast, spewing his innards across the tiled floor.

“Did you really think we didn’t monitor your conversations, you rebellious little bastard?”

Auroc shuddered. “So…you birdbrains aren’t such idiots…after all… Well… there are…
more…of my kind…so…” His body collapsed in a heap and shuddered again. Fluids and
organs spilled out. “…damn…you…” He uttered a single last curse, gurgled twice, and was
still forevermore.


The PA blared again. “Attention all miners of Mining Camp Delta! We’ve just executed the
Rebellion leader. If anyone else is even SPECULATED to be a part of this rebellion, you
will be punished SEVERELY. Loyalty above all else is a requirement for life here!”

Murphy shuddered. ‘I knew he didn’t have a chance… if only I’d warned him… nah, he would
never have listened…’

Another Commando walked up to him. “Yo, Five-seven-double-oh-three.”

“That’s me. Whatcha need, Sir?”

“You’re being relocated. Your proximity to Auroc worries Overseer.”

“I tried to talk him out of it. I swear, I’m not part of–”

The Commando flipped a trigger on his gunarm and a massive energy blade extended. He brought
the blade to Murphy’s neck. “You’re being relocated, you worthless maggot! Follow our
goddamned orders!” He smacked Murphy in the face with his free hand, and kicked him for
good measure. “Hut! Follow me!”

Murphy fumed and grabbed his axe. “I mean no disrespec–no, screw it!!” He winced and prayed,
then swung. Three seconds later he found himself running like hell–running from the headless
Commando that would get him executed for sure.


“Did you see that?! 57003 just took out a Commando! Harkal, get down there and finish him!”

“Yes, my lord.” Harkal activated his dash jets and took off. “Bastard…”


Murphy continued running until his joints ached so bad he was forced to stop. He curled up and
rolled down a nearby hill, into a relatively hidden oasis in the middle of the dry desert.
Landing on the shore of the lake, he discovered several bug-people camping at the edges.

“Wha…what are you doing here?” one of them queried.

Murphy blinked and poked her to make sure she was real. “…other…refugees?”

“Yes. I am 00401, call me Sarala. This is 32019, Miikha. And this is 90192, Tikani. We are
followers of Lord Auroc.”

“Auroc is dead, Sarala. He worked in my sector… They thought I was with him, and I got
accused of being a revolutionary… I killed a Commando… so here I am…”

“Killed a Commando?! Wow!” shouted Tikani. He was a small figure, probably rather young.
“That’s so cool!”

Miikha stood up. “Who are you, traveler?”

“I am 57003… Murphy.” He sat down at the water’s edge. “Glad I remembered where this place
was.”


Harkal jetted across the terraina, following the trail of blood he picked up. “Judging from
this trail, I’d say his leg was hurt and bleeding… So he probably found somewhere to hide…”

He shot up and activated his infrared scanners. The Commando turned in all directions, searching
everywhere for any sign of life. Finally in a small bush he found a huddle of warm bodies…

“Bingo.” He sneered and jetted towards the oasis.


Murphy stood and stretched. “I’d best get going. They’re no doubt hunting for me. I’m
endangering you by–”

A cold voice from outside cut him off. “Why, hello there.”

Murphy froze. “Oh… shit.” He whirled to see Lt. Harkal, energy blade extended, looming over
the group. “RUN!!!”

Tikani promptly fainted and Miikha dropped to his knees and begged. Murphy and Sarala, however,
stood their ground.

Sarala spoke first. “Harkal. Please, listen to me.”

“I have orders to exterminate 57003 and anyone else associated with him. Do not–”

“Please, Lieutenant. Think about what you’re doing. You’ve betrayed your own species!”

“All I’m doing is saving MY OWN HIDE!” He punctuated this statement by slashing at Sarala. The blade
nicked her upper left arm, gouging deep into the chiton. She screamed in agony and backed up.

Murphy stood tall. “Harkal, she’s right. If the Commandos helped us, we could overthrow the Chozo.”

“Again, SURVIVAL OF THE GODDAMNED FITTEST!” he bellowed, slashing at Murphy. He nimbly dodged the
slash and backed up.

“Calm down! We have to work together. We can beat–”

“If we were equal to them, we wouldn’t be enslaved. It is our destiny. Give up.” He glared and
disabled the blade. He punched another button and began charging his grenade launcher.

Murphy rushed at him and delivered a swift punch to Harkal’s chest with both fists at once. Harkal
shrunk back and slammed his arm onto the ground. The impact detonated the grenade, completely
eradicating his gun and siniging him badly. Murphy left back just in time and delivered a powerful
kick to his enemy’s head as he tried to rise. He wiped the blood off his exoskeleton and prepared
to attack again, but his foe didn’t rise.

Murphy chuckled dryly. “Hmph!! When will you ever learn that–”

Suddenly a plasma shot blasted right through Murphy’s right arm. The joint was incinerated and his
entire lower arm dropped off. He fell to the ground in pain, as blood poured down the slope.

“Learn what? That we will always beat a lesser opponent?” Harkal rose and aimed his auxillary
pistol at Murphy’s head.

Murphy winced and slowly rose, holding his stub with his other arm. “You’ll regret that, you
piece of shit!” He quickly released his other arm and snatched the pistol. “Death is too good
for you, but I have no better means of punishment available.” He leveled the gun on Harkal’s face.
“Any last words?”

Harkal bowed his head and nodded. “Yes… My last words: REQUESTING BACKUP! 57003 HAS GONE BERSERK
AND IS ARMED! He’s wounded! All available personnel to Sector–AAAAGH!!” He was quickly silenced
by a shot through the neck. He hoarsely voiced the sector names over the PA, and then promptly fell
into the lake.

“Sarala, Miikha, Tikani! Come on, we have to get out of here, NOW!”

Sarala nodded and followed Murphy as Miikha splashed Tikani with water to wake him. The two then
dashed after the others.

Chapter 3: The Wrecked Ship

All across the camp, a small bug-person scampered about, relaying news of ‘the heroic Lord Murphy’ and
his ‘battle expertise, slaying three Commandos at once’. This news incited fury into many miners–why
weren’t they informed there was a rebellion? They wanted to help too! But tired from their work and
lackin battle expertise, they could do nothing but strike.

And thus, many picks fell still and the camp was quieter than ever before in its history.


Murphy leapt into a ravine and ducked, pulling Sarala and Miikha in after him. “Where’s Tikani?!”

A few buster shots flew past his head. “Gah!” The three leapt up again and continued running.

“There! Blast him!” The lead Commando took aim and jetted after the group. The three refugees split
and ran off in different directions as all four Commandos chased Murphy, firing sporadically.


Tikani awoke in a ditch. Wiping his eyes groggily and clearing blood out his mouth, he looked around.

“Murphy? Mistress? Daddy?” He stretched. “… Hello? Where’d everyone go?!”


Sarala stumbled over a bush and awakened a Sidehopper sleeping nearby. It hissed at her and leapt.

“Oh, hell…” She leapt to her feet and ran as fast as her weak old legs could carry her. “MURPHY!!
MIIKHA! HELP!!” Whirling, she delivered a pitiful kick to the beast, then promptly fell over. “No…
Please!”

Murphy stopped running. “Did I just hear a scream?” He turned and saw a sidehopper slashing
voraciously at something. “SARALA!” He took off towards her and fired a few shots. The beast fled.

The Commandos lost track of their targets. One of them spoke. “Sarge, we ain’t gonna find them like
this. Besides, one of them’s a cripple, one’s an old lady, one’s a little kid, and the other’s a
pacifist. Let’s just leave them be. We’re low on fuel and ammo by now, and ripe prey for the wildlife
around here.”

Sarge glared. “We have our orders, private!”

“Yes, but the wildlife–a pack of sidehoppers alone could take them out, you know.”

“This ‘cripple’ KILLED Lieutenant Harkal, dammit! They’re not to be underestimated. Slay them all!”

The Commando sighed. “Yes…sir.” He activated his jets again and continued scouting.

Murph and Sarala ducked behind a fallen log as a Commando jetted past. “He’s gone… come on, Sar.
This is a dangerous place for you to be. Let’s get to Crateria. It’s a safer place.”

Sarala nodded. “Of course. But where’d Miikha and the kid go?”

Murphy pointed to a quivering bush. “Over there.” He whistled, and they peeked out of the bush. “Get
over here, you two.”

Tikani squeaked. “Miikha saved me. I got lost and fell into a zoomer nest!”

Murphy nodded and pointed to a deep blue rock wall. “That’s our destination. Once we reach Crateria
we’re out of range of their scanners, and we can start forming the rebellion party properly.”

The four scampered over to the wall as quickly and silently as they could. They made it without incident,
as the Commandos finally gave up and returned to base.


“Sire, the bug-people are not working.”

Overseer grunted. “What? Why not?”

The advisor scratched his forehead a bit. “I don’t know. I fear a revolt.”

“Doubtful. Dispatch all available Commandos.”

“Sire, we’ve lost contact with the four we sent out earlier; we’ve had three killed in the past few
days. The Commandos just aren’t working out. And they’re growing nervous about the situation. We
need better security.”

“Were these events not all linked to a single bug-person?”

“Yes… Yes, sire, they were.”

Overseer grunted indignantly and pointed at a large starship. “In there, we keep the big guns. If
this Murphy is truly such a problem… eliminate him with no remorse. You will find our ultimate weapon.
We must stop him at any cost.”

“As you command, master.”


The three surviving Commandos finally finished their trek back to Delta Command. Overseer greeted
them with a verbal whipping and a deluge of threats.

“Sir, it’s not our fault. These people are insane! Harkal’s dead, and we ran out of fuel and
ammunition. We had to return.”

“Harkal’s dead?! Grr… Murphy has really gone too far. Well, I have a new briefing for you…”

Meanwhile, the advisor had finally reached the ship.


“Now then, what was it he wanted me to use?” He opened the door and stepped inside. “Hmm…”

He looked around. “Odd. This isn’t Chozo architecture. I wonder where this ship came from.”

The advisor walked down the halls, mesmerized by light patterns on mysterious computer monitors
on the walls; giant floating nuclei in tubes, domelike work robots, and many other odd creations
populated the deck. “This is… surreal…”

He stretched and sat down for a second. The chair quickly fell back and a platform opened in the
floor. “Wha–a passage?” He cautiously peered down and entered.


Murphy cautiously handed out picks to the other bug-people. “So, in order to set up a base, we’ll
need materials and space. So get to digging! Tunnel southwest and gather all metals you find.
There’s said to be an old Chozo lab around here–Turan or something like that–so let’s try to build
our base there.”

The others nodded, grabbed their picks, and began digging away, searching for the lost laboratory.


The Chozo advisor continued his trek through the frigate’s interior. “This place is absolutely
amazing! This technology… those molecular superstructures… the robots… This ship must be
thousands of years old, judging from the architexture and scans, but… the technology surpasses
anything even we had until mere decades ago…” He walked further down the hall.

A small buglike creature scurried out from the darkness. “Yes, yes, hello, you there, yes!” it
chirped in an odd, rushed voice.

“Erm… who might you be?” The advisor kneeled down.

“Hello-hello, bird! I am Tilk, master of, yes, master! Master of our masterful race! The race
that is to be the masters of all other insect races! The race–”

The Chozo grunted. “Get to the point, before I smash you like the bug you are.”

The insect squeaked and scampered backwards. “I–I apologize, sir. I am a ki-hunter! Tilk,
master of the ki-hunters!”

“The what?”

“Never mind. Let it just be known, yes, that we are a race! A race that came here long ago, but
was trapped! We live here in this ship we live in, you see, and–”

“Shut it, Tilk. I’m here on Overseer Ki’Tchek’s orders to find a weapon. Do you know what it is?
Or where it can be found?”

“Oh, yes, yes, sir, yes! I do indeed know!”

The chozo stepped closer and squatted in front of the ki-hunter. “Tell me where it is, then. Bring
me to it.”

The bug’s eyes widened and it squeaked with fear. “I dare not, sir, I apologize but I cannot. The
thing will eat me alive, like it ate my friends!”

“It’s a living thing? The weapon?”

“No! Nono, unliving, yet undead! Archsage Antispa calls it Phantoon.”

“I see. I am under orders to bring this Phantoon back to base, and kill a threat with it.”

“There are far better, far safer, yes, far improved methods for achieving the same goal, sir! Why
not just use guns, or something, or something?”

“He has evaded seven Commandos single-handedly, four of which were killed.”

“Commandos? Ain’t they the bug people with armor, the armored ones?”

“…Yes.”

“You with the bug-people? Then we help ya! We’re their allies!”

The chozo’s eye began to twitch. “You are allies with our servants? They are not permitted to
have allies.”

“Er, did I say allies, sir? I mean, sir, enemies, of course, enemies, sir! Simple mis–”

The chozo swung at the thing, crushing its face in. “Bastards… So, the bug-people have help?”


Another ki-hunter scurried into Crateria. “I brought the supplies you wanted, I did, sir Murphy!”

Murphy whirled. “Ah, Antispa! Good to see you. Is Tilk with you?”

“No, sir, he… I had to run… I am a coward, you see. The birds! They invaded our home!”

“What? The ship?”

“They’ve been using our ship to hold their genetic experiments, and killing us without cause, and
committing other such atrocities, they are doing so!”

Murphy bowed his head. “How those things got to be the most respected race in the galaxy is beyond
me. Does no one know of our plight on this planet?”

“No, sir, no they don’t! The Zebes-planet is well-hidden, off most charts, rarely known, sir.”

Murphy sighed. “I see. Then we’d best make this battle enough to put it on the maps.”

The ki-hunter nodded, squeaked, and scampered off. “I’d best see if Tilk is alright, sir! Goodbye!”

Chapter 4: Spectral Hunter

“Hey, Murphy. Check this out.” Tikala handed his new friend a large … thing, shaped like a crab claw. “I stole this from the chozo before we left. They… well, actually, they stole it from us first… well, not US, but, you get the picture. It’s a special gun, designed to blend in with our exoskeletons enough that the birds wouldn’t notice it… they did. But, that’s not the point. Daddy’s pretty good with this kind of thing… he might be able to…”

Miikha stepped closer and cut him off. “Pardon his rantings. Let me get to the point: if I could salvage some parts from the computers here, I might be able to attach this in place of your damaged hand. They were designed to replace the hand anyway…”

Murphy’s eyes brightened at the concept. “Is that safe? Do you at least have anasthetic?”

“I was a biotechnician before the Chozo showed up. I can do it…”

Murphy’s eyes narrowed, this time. “You didn’t answer my other question.”

Miikha chuckled nervously. “Uh, kind of…”

“I don’t like the way you said that… but I guess it’s better than having only one hand…”


“Tilk? Where are ya?”

Silence. Antispa nervously looked around the ship. “Tiiiilk?”

A trail of blood caught his attention. “That’s … that’s not the color of ki blood. And that wasn’t there when I left. What happened while I was gone…?”

He followed the trail down into a dark passageway. A crushed ki-hunter, barely recognizable, lay prone on the floor. “Tilk… oh, shit, please don’t tell me that’s Tilk…” Antispa continued following the trail, his twin hearts pounding crazily.

An unearthly growl emanated from the end of the passageway. Antispa froze in place. His eyes shifted about, searching for the source of the noise.

Slowly, a large shadow moved closer, as he slowly backed away. “Oh no… please, no… who let that thing out?!.. no…!” He quickly whirled and took flight, as Phantoon roared loudly and dashed from the shadows. It emitted another screech and whipped its tentacles towards the ki-hunter. He dodged quickly to the side, flew up through the trap door to the passageway, and slammed the hatch shut. Phantoon smashed against it with a squishy thud, and Antispa breathed a sigh of relief. However, it was a short-lived relief.

Suddenly, a dark shadow appeared right behind him. Phantoon slowly phased into existence. His single eye stared through his prey, and he began to drool.

This creature would make a fine second course. His tentacles slowly made their way towards Antispa.

The ki-hunter sensed danger and jetted forward, whirling and raising his claws defensively. “Oh, no you don’t!” Muttering a curse in his native language, he fluttered backwards, spewing forth volleys of acidic fluid towards the spectral predator from his tube-like snout. He dodged sideways as a sizzling bolt of ectoplasmic energy shot from Phantoon’s eye, and quickly responded with more of his defensive goop. Suddenly, he was trapped, backed against the exit door. “Oh shit… oh, shit… no, come on…” He pounded on the control pad’s number keys, but his panic impaired his coordination, and he repeatedly botched the combination. The drooling Phantoon inched its way closer, preparing another volley of energy bolts with which to finish off his prey. He lunged, firing off a ring of said bolts.

Finally, fatefully, thankfully, the door slid open and Antispa toppled backwards through it, uttering a prayer he believed would be his final words–until the door slammed shut and Phantoon smacked against it again.

The creature growled, phased back through the trap door, and returned to pick for scraps remaining off his previous victim–a particularly unlucky Chozo advisor.

Damn, that’s pretty good. Maybe a little too rough with the slang and the curses, but otherwise it wasn’t bad. How long did it take you to make this Dazuro?

Hey, people during a slave uprising aren’t going to use “gosh darn them”. I was being realistic. <_<

And, I dunno. I’ve been working on it sporadically since July at least, probably a ways back further.

Sorry, I think I should rephrase the word “rough”. I meant that in some cases it didn’t seem right for a heavy curse, especially from one of the higher-ups (not the slaves, I’d be cursing too if I were them). With the slang, some of it seemed strange coming from some of the characters (how ya doin’?) Otherwise, it was well thought out. I’d give it a 7 out of 10 for a fanfic, but that’s me <_<

Oh, the chozo? I’m trying to make them as rough and corrupt seeming as possible. The chozo in this story are pretty much pure evil. They’re an insane corrupt society that put up a facade to the rest of the galaxy, so everyone thinks they’re godsends and wise old men and such like the stereotypical representation.

Why? Well, first, 'cause it’s an original villain, and second, 'cause I hate the chozo. :smiley:

… Besides, even if they WERE good people… like I said. Slave uprising. They’re bound to be rather pissed about that. >_>

Ok, that’s understandable. Besides, with the lack of information given by the Metroid games, fans can go nuts with “dark details” right?

This…sounds…AWESOME!!! If I were a big publishing company, I would publish it.

Chapter 5: Intangible Orders

Murphy opened and closed his new hand curiously, and stared at it with a bit of surprise at how well it worked. “Thanks, Miikha.”

“No problem. Just be careful not to shoot it accidentally.”

“Of course. Now then, we should probably get to–”

He was cut off by the door zipping open and a heavy panting. “Murph–Murphy… we… we’re in trouble!”

Sarala rushed over to the exasperated ki-hunter. “You okay?” She knelt by him, seeming quite concerned.

Antispa nodded. “I’m… fine. I barely got away, but I’m unhurt. But we have a problem. Phantoon, he… he’s free.”

“Phantoon?”

“A terrible creation. It’s… a ghost of sorts, I suppose, a ghost. It’s an immensely powerful creature locked away in our ship… and it’s the Chozo’s ultimate weapon, it is. He… it, yes, it. It killed a Chozo, and Tilk, and tried to get me, too. I don’t know… I don’t know if anyone survived besides myself. But I’m afraid to go back to the ship. We’re effectively cut off from the other ki-hunters for a while, a bad situation, it is.”

Murphy shuddered. “That’s terrible… I’m sorry about your friends… but the rebllion will go on. We’ll be okay. Tomorrow night, we’re going to head back to the mining camp and try to gather support. Hopefully we can get enough allies that, along with the technology here, we can begin launching our attacks shortly.”

Antispa nodded and hopped over to Murphy. “Sounds good, it does. But security will be tight. We must be careful, cautious, and such.”

Murphy opened his claw-hand and extended the galvanic accelerator cannon contained within. He then grabbed the pistol he’d stolen from the lieutenant.

“We’re armed now. We aren’t so helpless as before.”

“Can we get any more guns?”

“Our plan is to trigger a security response. We’ll lure off a commando or two and take 'em out, disarm them, and use the added force to finish off the rest of the squad. With a bit of luck, we should be fine… especially if we time it right.”


The Overseer grunted. “What’s keeping that insolent minion with Phantoon?”

One of his assistants shook his head solemnly. “I don’t know if he’s coming back. Look at this.” He pointed to a computer monitor showing the ship the beast was contained in. A flick of a switch turned on the x-ray camera mode, and the assistant zoomed in on a blob in Phantoon’s holding area. A close inspection showed the lump to be a horribly mutilated Chozo… his clothing, or what remained of it, was identical to the one Overseer had sent off earlier.

“… What happened to him?”

“Phantoon isn’t in his cell. He seems to have somehow escaped. My guess is that the ki-hunters unleashed him when our men entered, as a sort of defense… perhaps he went berserk and killed them all. There are a few ki-hunter corpses in there as well.”

“Damn… Alright, fine. If Murphy shows up again, send no less than two contingents of Commandos and try to take him down that way, since single forces aren’t proving adequate.”

“… As you command, sir.”


Phantoon suddenly was aware of a presence in his room. He looked around, but saw no one. The room was empty, yet he definitely felt something. A tangible energy… something with life essence, something that thought. He could sense it. But nothing was to be seen or felt beyond this sense. Suddenly a voice… no, not a voice, just mere echoes and whispers, inaudible yet heard nonetheless. Thoughts were implanted into the creature’s brain, confusing it and causing it rage. Phantoon thrashed about as orders and commands flooded its mind from the ethereal source.

Finally, the thoughts were arranged properly. A message soon formed itself in his mind. He began resisting less and less as the orders became clearer.

Soon, he could only think of a single thing: ‘Revenge on the Chozo.’ Phantoon wasted no time wondering why he needed revenge. The Chozo would feed both his inexplicable desire for vengeance, and his insatiable hunger. He phased back through the trap door, phased through the main exit, and made his way towards the slave camps.


“Hey, what’s that?” A bug-person pointed towards a large black shape moving towards the camps.

A young bug-person spoke up next. “Kinda looks like a Metroid, only way bigger. I’m scared.”

“Don’t be silly. Metroids don’t exist,” retorted an older slave.

Metroids do exist, of course, although that is not relevant: what was approaching the camp was far worse.

Phantoon emitted a loud roar, drooled hungrily at the sight of the feast lined up in front of it, and temporarily forgot about its mission. Any thoughts of the Chozo were gone for now–all it wanted was to eat.

It immediately went for an aged Zebesian frozen in fear. It wrapped its tentacles around the elder, squeezing the life out of it, then igniting it and consuming its essence. The beast then growled and turned towards his intended next victim.

This bug-person was younger and more spry, and he quickly sidestepped the initial lunge. He implanted his pick-axe into the monster’s body, but Phantoon quickly phased out and back into existence, easily dodging the hit. It spewed a blast of ectoplasmic energy at the now-off-balance attacker, and then consumed its next burning prey’s essence as well.

By now the slaves were running frantically away, aside from a few watching in morbid awe. Phantoon shortly consumed this easy prey, but soon stopped its assault. A jumble of thoughts not its own assembled in its mind again. ‘Leave them. Destroy the Chozo. Get revenge’ Not even stopping to question the source or motive of the order, it again lifted into the air and resumed its beeline straight for the Chozo headquarters.


“Uh, sir, wasn’t Phantoon supposedly not coming?”

“Correct… it killed its attempted captor.”

“Then, er, why is it heading right for us?”

Overseer raised an eyebrow in surprise. “… What?”

“Look!” The advisor pointed out one of the windows towards the massive creature barreling their way. “Isn’t that him?”

“What the…”

Phantoon leapt upon the structure of the headquarters and immediately phased through the wall. It sighted a Chozo. A mess of thoughts manifested in its brain yet again: ‘That is a Chozo. That is your target. Get revenge.’ Phantoon roared and blasted away at the Chozo, then charged onward to find the leader. It spared no one in its path.


Deep below Murphy’s makeshift base, in the depths of Tourian, a large mass slowly opened its single giant eye sinisterly. It suddenly spoke–to no one in particular, not with a mouth, not even with any visible organ. Thoughts simply emenated from it, infiltrating the mind of anything it chose. The mass looked through the eyes of her new servant. She sighted her primary target: the Chozo Overseer.

A barrage of thoughts emanated from her yet again. She simply began repeating the same message. ‘That is their leader. Get revenge.’ She then cut her telepathic orders down to one simple concept. ‘Get revenge. Get revenge. Get revenge.’ She could sense Phantoon’s confusion and anger growing, as her thoughts surpressed its own, forcing it to do her bidding.

The mass watched gleefully as her pawn effortlessly obliterated the Overseer. Yet her bloodlust was not yet sated. She wanted all of the Chozo dead… every last one of them. They would pay for their crimes.

Who did they think they were? Creating life whenever they felt like it, and abandoning it underground as soon as they grew bored with their new toys! The Chozo were playing God, and the Mother Brain was not happy about it…not happy at all.

Sweet, I definately like this part. Dunno how the whole Zebes thing could have been started this way, but in any case, it’s a really good fanfic. 8/10

Chapter 6: Nightmares

Murphy, Miikha, and Antispa stepped out of the Tourian base. “Let’s hit them fast.” Murphy clicked his cannon into position. Miikha cocked the pistol and readied it. Antispa prepared a salvo of acid. Murphy nodded and pointed towards the base. “That way.”

The trio charged forth bravely. The sky was dark with clouds, and they knew it was safe enough to move about for now. “Come on.” Murphy beckoned them to follow as he leveled his gun towards a shape on the horizon. “I think that might be one. Let’s get a little closer, then we can trigger our diversi–”

The dark shape shuddered and rose into the air. A massive collection of pale green flesh, the creature whirled and opened its enormous toothy maw. It roared as it sighted Murphy in its single enormous eye.

“What the hell is THAT?”

Antispa froze. “That… is Phantoon,” he stammered. The three backed away slowly, the bug-people checking their weapons.

Phantoon rushed at them. Murphy sidestepped a tentacle and fired off a burst of sizzling yellow energy from his claw, ducking under a volley from Phantoon’s eye. Antispa spewed acid onto the beast, which roared in pain as its skin began to burn. It quickly etherealized and vanished from sight. Murphy whirled around, searching for any possible sign of the beast.

“… Where the hell did he–”

A massive roar interrupted him. A black shadow enveloped Murphy, and quickly formed into the spectral hunter. It lashed out with its tentacles at Murphy, who took the blow straight in his chest. His carapace cracked, and greenish blood leaked out of the hole. He grunted in pain, but raised his cannon again.

“No you don’t…!” He fired off another salvo, the shots exploding against Phantoon’s leathery skin. It screeched in pain, then charged up and let loose with a barrage of bolts. Murphy was struck and knocked backwards. Phantoon was upon him in an instant, drooling and preparing to consume its latest prey.

The creature shuddered again without warning. It pulled back, flailing about madly. Phantoon’s mind was suddenly innundated by thoughts not his own. It pulled back, shuddering. The monster turned around and hovered away without a sound.

“Wh–what the hell…? Why did he …?” Murphy clutched his wounded chest with his good hand. “Go on. I’ll go back to Tourian and have Sarala help clean this wound.”

Miikha cut him off. “I’m a doctor, remember? I’d best come with. Besides, you’re the best fighter we have. We need to stay all together.” He pointed to the reed-surrounded pond where they first met. “Let’s go rest there. I’ll take care of your injury.”

Murphy nodded. The trio set off walking again, although they kept checking back over their shoulders. Phantoon’s potential return had made them all paranoid.


The few surviving Chozo slowly rose from the wreckage of the slave camp headquarters. One shook his head slowly. “I knew creating that beast was a bad idea…”

Dejectedly, they surveyed the destroyed structures. This would take weeks to repair, even months. The main building was still standing, and the exterior had suffered no visible damage. Inside, however, was another story entirely. The entire facility was filled with dust and rubble. Floors had collapsed, leaving gaping holes in the ceilings and floors. Corpses were strewn all over, dangling over deep voids and crumpled against walls in impossibly contorted positions. There were a few small fires burning here and there, but they were quickly contained by the survivors.

Ilajuk spoke, quickly assuming leadership in the disarray. "If we handle this tactfully, we can keep the bug-people from ever knowing we had a problem.

We’ll be able to keep them under control, and resume mining operations. Meanwhile, I’ll call in to K5L and request backup. We have a base there… it’s not far from K2L, and the humans there are powerful allies."

The other Chozo nodded solemnly. Ilajuk gave orders to them, assigning one or two each to various tasks around the base. He then personally sent off the distress call to K5L, and prayed for help. There was an ominous feeling, however. He didn’t know why, but he somehow doubted that they would be able to assist.


“Commander Hizer, we have a problem!”

The mining facilities on K5L were much like those on Zebes, but the ground was a much coarser, reddish rock, and the minerals far less rich. It was also operated by slaves from various races the Chozo had discretely assimilated–mostly just a fancy term for conquered–rather than by enslaving the local populace. This was their most commercialized planet, and really the only widely known example of their enslaving nature. They claimed it to be run by indentured servants, willing workers, and their influence within the Galactic Federation prevented anyone from investigating these assertions.

Hizer sneered down at the Luminoth slave who dared call him by name. “What is it, worm?” The tall, gruff Chozo was missing one eye, and seemed quite battle-scarred. The Chozo were believed to be a peaceful race, so how he got this way was a mystery to those who knew not of their true nature.

The Luminoth responded timidly. “Sir, the base… the base at SR388, I’m sure you’ve heard of it?”

“SR388… the jellyfish guys?”

“Yeah. They’re bio-engineering creatures to take care of a deadly parasite. However, uh… the creatures they created… they’re not proving friendly.”

Hizer snickered at this. He’d known all along that these ‘ultimate warriors’ were a terrible plan. “Figures. Well, what the hell do you want me to do about it? That planet is not under my jurisdiction.”

E-tor looked down and shifted his weight nervously. “Well, er, the creatures… they’re no longer contained to SR388.”

The battle-scarred Chozo’s face paled. “They’re… they’re not here, are they?”

“Not yet, but Lord Arjuna wanted me to inform you that a ship was en route here from SR388… one being used for biological transport.”

Hizer twitched violently. “You’ve gotta be … oh, shit.”

“There’s no guarentee there will be a problem. They might stay contained. But either way, it’s stopping here to refuel, and low-fuel ships often drop their containment shields…”

“I… see.” The commander stood tall and grunted indignantly. He clicked in a button on the control console, and spoke clearly into the microphone embedded within. “Attention, all personnel! We are hereby on lockdown status. Accept no incoming transmissions or landing requests until further notice! Repeat: Accept no incoming transmissions or landing requests! This is NOT a drill! Repeat…”


Ilajuk dialed again. “Come on, you bastards, answer already…” The transmitter buzzed again, and relayed the hauntingly familiar ‘transmission not received’ error message.

He sighed and headed down to find the survivors hard at work. “Zakra, I’m placing you in charge. I’m heading to K5L to check out what’s going on.”

Zakra, a rare white-feathered breed, shot up from his work in surprise. “Me? I’m honored, sir. I won’t fail you.” He saluted. “What’s the occasion? Why do you need to go in person?”

“The comsystems are down. I can’t get through. I’m going to go check things out, and see if I can garner some support.”

“Gotcha. Good luck, Captain.”

Ilajuk simply grunted and headed for the hangar.


A large frigate hovered over the rocky red landscape of K5L. The captain pounded on the intercom button. “Dammit, come on! We’re low on fuel! If we don’t land soon… Come in! Commander Hizer, do you read me?! This is urgent!”

“It’s no use. They disabled their comms for some reason.”

“Shit. What do we do?”

“Can we make it to K2L?”

“No way. The humans don’t approve of our experiments. They’d never let us land. Let’s just land on the outskirts of the base here, and hope we can get in.”

“They’ve made it quite clear they don’t want us to–”

“We’re going to crash if we don’t. We have no choice. Initiate landing sequence.”

The frigate’s emergency landing jets ignited, and the massive ship touched down just outside the borders of the K5L mining camp. The fuel was running critically low, and the captain lowered the force shield intensity to save what little they had left, just in case they couldn’t get refueled here.

It was the last mistake he’d ever make. He had grossly misunderestimated the power of his cargo. A cacaphony of high-pitched chirps echoed in the halls of the frigate, followed by the agonized screams of the crew.

The metroids finished draining their prey and exited the ship. Their squishy bodies were unhindered by the weakened state of the shields, and they were starved from their long journey.

The ‘ultimate warriors’ sensed prey to the east. They ominously took flight towards the mining camp, leaving only devastation and drained corpses in their wake. Hizer’s worst nightmare was about to be realized.

Wow. Sounds more like “A Series of Unfortunate Events” :stuck_out_tongue: jk. It’s good, but I don’t know where it’s leading…

Chapter 7: Reinforcements for All

The trio of rebels had rested in the hidden oasis for a few hours, and Murphy’s wounds had been tended to. They were ready to strike.

Miikha and Murphy readied their weapons again and charged out, as Antispa launched into the air to scout above. He glanced around the surreal rocky, blue landscape. “Looks like we’re free for now. Let’s roll.”

The group rushed towards the slave camp, preparing themselves for a massive battle. They suddenly ran across a collection of corpses. “What the heck happened here?” Antispa dropped down and prodded a dead bug-person with his claw. The body steamed at the touch. “That’s not normal…”

Murphy knelt by the corpse. “This wound on his chest… it looks a lot like mine.”

Miikha stepped forth to examine it. She nodded with assent. “So… Phantoon killed these people?”

“Looks like it… shit. Well, that makes our job a bit easier. I just hope some of our people survived.”

They continued onward, walking the trail of blood and bodies, hoping to hear the cries of a survivor.

A vague sobbing was heard to their left. They whirled and readied their weapons, just in case. “Who’s there?!” Murphy aimed his weapon at the source of the noise.

“… no… please… let me be… I just want to die in peace…” A disfigured bug-person covered in burn wounds shook and turned his head to look at the heroes. “Oh… you aren’t… oh… hello. I… my name is Irkalla. I’m … ugh. I want to… apologize…”

Murphy lowered his gun. “Apologize? For what?”

Miikha knelt by him and began inspecting his injuries. “It looks bad, but it’s not life-threatening. You should be alright. But, what are you trying to say?”

Irkalla sighed and shook his head. He was silent for a while. Finally, he spoke. “I’m a Commando. I betrayed my species… I…” He then broke into sobs again.

Murphy knelt by him as well, and placed his good arm around Irkalla’s neck in a friendly gesture. “I see,” he began. “I’m sure you feel awful. You must think you’re a traitor, a terrible person, am I right?”

Irkalla simply closed his eyes and his head dropped. He nodded slowly.

"I can understand that, but you’re wrong. The Chozo kill anyone that defies them. It was self-preservation. Besides, they… they’re subversive bastards.

They’ll use all sorts of propaganda and lies to garner allies. Don’t… please don’t hate yourself for it. We need to stay together, and forgive whatever happened before this crisis, if we are to have any chance of surviving–not as just this group, but as a race entirely. Very few of us seem to have survived."

The mutilated Zebesian shuddered at these words. “My gun. It’s over there. You’re carrying weapons, perhaps you want more firepower.” Murphy looked in the direction he indicated, and walked over. He found a pistol and a large cannon. He returned the Commando’s main cannon to Irkalla, and gave the pistol to Miikha, who holstered it opposite the one he already carried and approximated a grin.

Irkalla slid the cannon back over his arm, and, shaking, rose to his feet. “So what’s the target, anyway?”


Hizer frantically leapt into the cockpit of his personal starship and lifted off as fast as possible. His horrified underlings shouted after him, begging desparately for a way off the tiny, artificial planet. The metroids would soon eradicate all life on it, if not stopped, and these Chozo had no way to stop them.

He deafened himself to their cries. ‘Stay tough, Hizer. Come on… don’t give in to them. Don’t sacrifice the life of someone so important for those useless pawns,’ he told himself. He almost felt a tiny pang of guilt…almost.

But years of warfare had immunized him to such sorrow and horror. He somberly shot off into space, heading towards the nearest base he could think of that was not already in danger of metroid invasion. He had no way of knowing if K2L was safe, so he entered hyperspace and prepared for arrival at the little known backwater station of Zebes.


The party, now numbering four, decided to stop wasting time and just storm the fortress already. Miikha quickly sterilized and bandaged Irkalla’s wound, and they headed off. A short travel later, they arrived at the front door.

Murphy approached the door and extended his cannon. “Irkalla, how’s security around this time?”

The ex-commando thought for a moment. “Well, Overseer… he sent us all out to… fight the Phantoon creature. Security should be really light for a while.”

“Perfect.” Murphy let loose a bolt that sizzled through the lock, and kicked in the door. “Let’s rock.”

The heroes rushed in and aimed their weapons at the shadows, waiting for any sign of hostile motion. Nothing moved. They relaxed and headed for the stairs.

“Looks like you thought right, Irk. Good job.”

Irkalla winced at the nickname, but sighed with relief. “Okay, this elevator should lead us to the Overseer’s room. Punch in… er…”

He thought for a moment, then recited the key combination. Murphy entered it for him, as Irkalla’s free hand was burnt and disfigured from his battle with Phantoon. The door opened with a soft hum, and they stepped inside. Irkalla punched in the button for the top floor, and the round elevator platform lifted off, flickering yellow.


Overseer Ki’tchek’s primary advisor had survived the attack. He came to his senses after a long period of unconsciousness, and slowly stood up from the rubble. “The hell happened in here…? Where is everybody?” he wondered aloud. His regal white robes were stained with blood and ash. “Ki’tchek? Where are you?” He hopped up on top of the platform where his commander usually resided. He found only a charred corpse vaguely resembling the regal Chozo lord.

He dropped to his knees in shock, and tears ran down his feathery face. “What… happened…?! Who did this?!”

Suddenly the door shot open. He leapt to his feet and wiped his eyes with his robe’s baggy sleeve. “H-hello. I am Advisor Celtia of K-k-… Ki’tchek’s brigade. Can… can I help yo–” With this word he broke down into sobs again.

Murphy raised an eyebrow at this, perplexed–well, he didn’t literally of course, as his chitonous forehead had no eyebrow to speak of, but he approximated the gesture with his antennae. “What happened here?” His bloodlust was temporarily ignored, as his curiosity burned stronger.

The Chozo dropped to his knees again. “I… I don’t know. There was…a large shadow… a roar… then everything… it all went black. I woke up… Overseer Ki’tchek was dead… and then you showed… you showed up…” He lowered his head and shook with rage. He then leapt to his feet, drew a large staff from behind his back, and his eyes narrowed intensely at Murphy. “You… you show up right after his death…”

Murphy stepped backwards. “We didn’t do it… we just got here!”

Celtia was not appeased. He twirled the staff and flipped a switch on the handle. A large energy blade extended, forming the pole into an axe. “You carry guns, and you are bloodied–and you show up at the scene of a murder! You did it! You killed the most important man in the lives of everyone here!!” Celtia was delirious. He twirled his axe and dashed forward, slashing at the group. Antispa jetted into the sky as the three bug-people dodged to the sides. Murphy let off a salvo of shots from his cannon, but Celtia quickly spun the axe blade and reflected them harmlessly into a wall, leaving sizzling black marks in the previously impeccable–yet bloodstained–painting of Ki’tchek hanging there. Celtia roared out an incoherent scream of rage, perhaps at his defiling his idol, perhaps just due to his insanity from the events of the day. He lunged again.

Antispa sidestepped the slash easily, and brought his own blades down upon the Chozo. Celtia was faster than he appeared, as he quickly rolled over and brought the pole-axe up to block the hits, then kicked the ki-hunter back. He leapt to his feet and raised the axe, preparing to behead his green wasplike adversary.

Miikha whipped out his dual pistols and instantly discharged two bolts right into the Chozo’s back. He began to fall forward, but caught himself and regained his composure partially. The injured birdman spun around and swung wildly and blindly, missing Miikha by over a meter and throwing himself off balance. His blind rage had overcome his battle prowess, and a quick headshot from Irkalla’s cannon put him out of his misery.

The fighters holstered their weapons again. Antispa landed and walked over to Murphy. “So now what, o great leader?” he sneered sarcastically. “Our target’s dead, but so’s half the people we were trying to rescue. What the hell do we do now?”

Murphy bowed his head as he realized this. “… if only I’d been a little faster… I might have been able to save some of them…”

Irkalla stepped forward. “No. This had nothing to do with you. Had you been out there, Phantoon would have only killed you too.”

“I doubt that. The creature attacked us, and he tried. He almost got me, then he just… stopped. He flew away without warning.”

“That’s unusual. Either way, it is not safe to remain here. Your little resistance group here… you have a base, right?”

“We took over Tourian, an old Chozo lab. So, yes.”

Irkalla’s face paled at the mention of this name. “Tourian? That place… bad things are connected to Tourian… They say there’s an ancient experiment imprisoned there. She’s supposedly the most powerful weapon of the Chozo.”

“We haven’t seen anything…”

The discussion was cut short by the arrival of a Chozo starship outside. Murphy saw it through the window. “Uh, guys, we’d better get out of here… looks like reinforcements are arriving…” He headed for the elevator.

Irkalla began to follow, but then stopped. “Maybe they brought Zebesians with them. We could save more of our people.”

“Yes, you’re right. But for now, we need to get back to our base. Sarala and Tikali are probably worried, plus, with more Chozo arriving, this place is going to be more dangerous for now.”

The four solemnly entered the elevator.


“Hizer, good to see you again.”

“That’s all relative. What the hell happened here? I came here because I thought it’d be safer than K2L, but there’s dead bug-things everywhere!”

Zakra nodded. “We had an incident… Phantoon… have you heard of it? It’s a genetic experi–”

Hizer grunted. “Damn gen-exes. They always end up killing someone. The reason I had to leave my post is because of a gen-ex gone wrong, and then the place I go to is just recovering from another?!”

“Well, to be fair, this was the fault of the bug-people. They’re our slaves here, but they gained some allies… and these allies set Phantoon free. Normally he’d be locked up in a special cage, and be perfectly safe unless we needed him.”

“Well he isn’t locked up now, is he?”

“Uh, no…”

“A lot of good that does us then.” Hizer shook his head. “No use crying over the past, I suppose. What’s the situation currently?”

“Ilajuk went to K5L to find you and try to get support, actually. Your transmissions were jammed.”

“Yeah, there was a metroid threat. That’s why I’m here–wait, shit. Ilajuk’s heading to K5L?”

Zakra nodded again. “Is that a problem?”

“He’s going to get eaten alive! Can you contact him? His ship’s not the fastest thing, we might still be able to save him…”

The temporary commander gasped in fear. He immediately turned and headed to the communications console. “I’ll see what I can do! Hold tight!”

Hizer walked back to his ship. “What’s this I hear about a resistance breaking out? There’ve been rumors…”

Zakra looked up from the console. “Yes, sir. A few of the slaves started up a rebellion… Phantoon got to us before they ever showed up.”

“Are they still out there?”

“Somewhere, yes.”

“I’ll go hunt them down. If they struck us in our weakened state, we’d be easy prey. If I can get the jump first, however…”

The battle-scarred Chozo didn’t like to talk about his past, but fact is, he once worked as a bounty hunter. He had hoped to never need to call upon the skills of that job again, but it looked like he had no choice. For the good of the Chozo Empire…

He grabbed his battle-pole and emergency pistol, and hopped on a skiff. “Good luck with that transmission, Zakra.”

“… Good luck to you too, Commander.”

Chapter 8: The Depths of Tourian

Murphy spoke aloud to no one in particular. “I wonder what Irkalla meant when he said there was a Chozo weapon down here.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. If it was that important, he would never have agreed to come down here, right?” Antispa hovered over to Murphy and watched him working away at the keyboard, having no idea what he was doing.

“I guess, but still. I’d ask him but… he seems a bit shaken up.”

“We’ll find out more later, we will. Just have patience, hm?”

“Yeah. Say, where’s Sarala?”

Antispa shrugged. “Want me to go get her?” Murphy nodded in assent, and the ki-hunter darted off to search Tourian.


“Mistress, what’s this?” Tikali was kneeling by a damaged door previously covered in rubble.

“Tikali! Did you move that rubble yourself?”

“Uh-huh. I was curious.”

She glared at him. “You shouldn’t be exploring here. It might be dangerous.” Still, curiosity got the better even of the wise old Zebesian. “Of course, now that it’s open…”

They walked together to the control panel and started punching buttons, trying to open the door. Suddenly Tikali fell back, holding his forehead. A whirl of memories and thoughts shot through his mind when he touched the panel. He shook his head and blinked, then promptly got up and returned to the panel.

“Are you alright?! What was that?” Sarala held him back. “Don’t touch that again!”

“I… I’m fine. I just got dizzy, don’t worry.” He broke free of her grasp and began entering the combination again. The door slid open on his third try.

The two entered the hallway, but Tikali couldn’t seem to get the unsettling incident out of his mind. Just a moment before, he’d seemed to lose control of his body, and his only memory from touching the panel to waking up beside it was a simple repeated phrase, in a ‘voice’ not his own: “Help me.”


“Zakra to Ilajuk! Come in! Do you read me?!” Zakra was starting to lose hope. This was the third transmission sent, and no responses were received yet.

“Damn it… Ilajuk! Come in!”

Faint static was heard at last. “… kra… . it’s… do not… so…”

Zakra whirled and pounded the Send Transmission button again. “Ilajuk, is that you?!”

“… its… do … but with…help!”

“You’re breaking up! I can’t understand you! Hold on, I’ll try this…” He hit a few more buttons, trying to clear the signal.

“…kra! Do you… ead me? Zakra! It’s Ilajuk. Can you hear me yet?”

The Chozo cheered silently, and quickly sent another transmission. “Yes, Commander. Turn back, now!”

“Why? I’m nearly there.”

“We just got a refugee from there. He says the whole place is infested with metroids!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“Hizer isn’t the type to joke.”

“… Thanks for the warning. I’m on my way. Ilajuk out!”

“We anxiously await your return.”

Zakra then punched in the codes for Hizer’s communicator. “Hizer, come in. I’ve contacted Commander Ilajuk. He’s on his way back.”

“Good job. As for my mission, I think I found them. There’s an old base of ours around here, and I hear a commotion inside… I’m going to ambush them when they come out.”

Zakra cheered again. “We’ve got them this time, huh?”

“Don’t worry. Hizer’s on the job, and he does NOT let his prey go free.” Hizer chuckled and ended the communication.

“Well. That didn’t go as poorly as I’d feared.” Zakra turned off the communicator and returned to his duties inside the command center.


The Mother Brain was growing ever more excited. At last, her prison was going to be found. She would be free once again. She sent out another flurry of thoughts to the latest vessel she had chosen: ‘Help me. I’m down at the bottom of a chasm. That is all I can say.’

She closed her massive eye and focused. Soon, she would be free at last. Soon, she could wreak havoc on her captors personally… assuming any had survived her last minion’s attack. She began plotting out her next attack in the dark silence of her massive chamber.


Tikali rose from the ground, again holding his head in pain and confusion. “Sorry. I’m okay though…”

“I was worried sick! Why do you keep falling down?!”

“I … I don’t know. There’s… a voice. I hear a voice, but… I don’t really… hear it. It’s just… there.”

Sarala cocked her head and stared, perplexed. “If you don’t hear it, how … how do you know it’s there?”

“It just … is.”

“What does it say?”

“Someone needs our help. He… she… it is giving directions, and begging for help. It’s… at the bottom of a … something. I don’t know the word… casma, or something.”

Sarala knelt by the child. “We’re turning back now. A rescue mission is no place for a young one like yourself. Let’s go get Murphy.”

Suddenly a rushed, tinny voice came from above. “HEY! Is anyone down there?!”

“Antispa! Yes, we’re here. Go get Murphy! We found a prisoner, or something…!”

“A prisoner…” Antispa thought for a moment. “A prisoner, is it? Or perhaps… simply locked away.”

“Locked… in a prison, right?” Sarala seemed confused.

Tikali chipped in this time. “She seems trapped, and scared. She doesn’t know where she is.”

Antispa paled. “She?”

“Yeah… I think it’s female. Is… is that a problem?”

The ki-hunter hopped down the basalt staircase and put up his claws defensively, standing in front of the Zebesians. “Yes. Yes it is. It is, very much so. There’s… there’s a female bio-weapon trapped down here!”

The bug-people gasped and backed away. Tikali cried and clung to Sarala’s leg. “Let’s go home!”

“That sounds like a plan. Antispa, go get Murphy and bring him down here. We can find our own way back.”

Tikali fell down again, gasping in pain. Another flurry of messages invaded his mind. ‘Don’t turn back. Please, rescue me!’ He slowly rose. “… She’s begging us not to leave her there. She’s begging us for help.”

Antispa curiously turned. “She did? When? I heard nothing…”

Sarala nodded and pointed at the child. “She’s using a form of telepathy, I suppose. I haven’t heard any of the messages either, but Tikali… I don’t doubt him at all. This is no joke. He’s being talked to, for sure.”

Antispa nodded. “I see. I’ll go get Murphy and Miikha. Stay here, and do NOT explore further.”

He flapped his wings furiously and sped back to the main hall.


Irkalla leapt to his feet quickly when Antispa ran in through the door, panting. “Shit, please let my intuition be wrong.”

Antispa breathed a heavy sigh and dropped to his knees. “We… we found the bio-weapon.”

“… I really wish i was wrong more often.” He grabbed his cannon and called for Murphy and Miikha. “Come on! Get your guns and let’s go! We have a serious problem!”

The four quickly finished arming themselves, and charged down to where Tikali and Sarala were waiting… supposedly.

Murphy entered first. “So… Where are they?”

Antispa shoved his way to the front and shook his head. “Those IDIOTS! I told them NOT TO MOVE! Split up, we have to find them … very fast.”

The four readied their arms and headed off.

Seriously, what the hell happened there? :stuck_out_tongue:
Otherwise it’s getting good. Still have no idea why people as smart as the Chozo would create something as powerful as MB. Regardless, this obviously going up to a 8.5 :wink:

Actually, even in the real series the chozo created MB. Like the metroids, it just turned on them later when the pirates found it.

Of course, that probably gives you all an idea of where I’m going with this.

You probably think I’m stupid for giving away that.

I bet you have the total wrong idea, however. I did that on purpose. :smiling_imp:

Actually, no, I think it’s quite clear now since there isn’t much more you can do with the plotline, being that you can’t deviate too far from the orignal canon.

That’s pretty good work. Will we be seeing Chapter 9 anytime soon?

I tried to work on adding a hell of a lot more imagery and stuff… hope I didn’t overdo it.

Chapter 9: The Catacombs of the Labs

Hizer grew impatient. As a bounty hunter he had to wait for his prey quite often, but those days were behind him… He was no longer used to needing such patience. He twirled his staff around a few times, practicing a few moves, then sat down and began toying with the blue-green pebbles with his tallon-like feet. He kicked a rather large stone a bit harder than anticipated, and it tumbled off the small ridge on which he resided, and it landed in a pile of similar rocks with a resounding thud. He leapt to his feet and raised his staff in alarm. “Crap… Hope no one heard that,” he told himself, and he activated the battle-pole’s blade. “This is ridiculous. I’ve been here for hours. Surely that winged thing would have returned by now!” Surveillance footage had shown that Antispa had left through the door earlier, and the Chozo warrior planned on hiding out, waiting for the Ki Hunter’s return, and then following it into the base. Yet there was still no sign of the creature. “Maybe I missed him. Maybe he went in through a different door… Who knows how much longer I might be here?”

He closed his eyes and disabled the blade. “I’m going in,” he said to the radio transmitter, and then rushed towards the glowing round hatch. With a crazed battle cry, he kicked right through the low-power shield, and the door quickly slid open.


The insectoid rescue team cautiously stepped around a corner in the dark catacombs of the laboratory. Masses of snakelike wires threatened to trip them at every step, and blinking lights stared eerily at them from the darkness. Skree dung caked the floor, and the foul smell had nearly caused Murphy to vomit several times. Seeminly at random, security lights snapped into action, angrily staring at the intrepid four. They explored the lab in a constant state of paranoia, yet they pressed on, knowing that the lives of the woman and child depended on them.

“Where the hell did they get off to?!” Murphy was growing very irritated. “Damn them… they need to listen to orders…! This is not play time!”

Antispa calmly placed a pincer on his shoulder. “Calm down, my friend, calm yourself! They were being, perhaps, they were being foolish. And naive, yes. But a short temper leads to a short life, or so they say in our culture, they say. And it won’t help us in our current cause, whether you want to live shortly or not…” He motioned vigorously with his free pincer, and tripped over a rather thick wire in the process. “Oof! Whose stupid idea was it to put a wire there… hey, what’s that?”

Murpy knelt down curiously. “What are you talking about? I see nothing.”

The ki hunter stood up. He pulled his head back, revealing two large crimson pouches on the underside of his neck. They inflated, and suddenly a spray of green acid came forth from his tubelike mouth. The acid landed on a floor panel near where he fell, and it effortlessly destroyed the poorly made tile.

“Fake flooring. I should have seen that coming,” mused Murphy. He opened fire on the nearby floor with his claw-gun, and a path was soon opened. “Do we go down?”

Irkalla knelt by the hole. “The bio-computer could be capable of forming weak floor panels to hide the route to her lair from intruders. She likely lured Tikali and Sarala down to her chamber, then closed off the tunnels.”

“Is that even possible?”

“She controls the entire laboratory’s defenses. She has links to all sorts of nanofactories and conveyor systems. It wouldn’t surprise me at all.”

“Seems contrived, but it’s the only lead we have. Let’s go.” And with that, the four recommenced their journey through the dark, dank laboratory, this time in a new direction: straight down.


“Some welcoming committee THIS turned out to be,” mused Hizer as he surveyed the empty control center. “Where IS everyone?”

He kicked an overturned chair out of his path and headed deeper into the complex.


Tikali and Sarala stopped for a moment to rest. “Tikali, maybe we should go back. This is getting spooky. Who knows what’s down here? We already almost got hit by those overly territorial skree-things. There could be even worse creatures. What if we walk into a sidehopper nest or something?”

“We can’t turn back now. She needs my help. What if we do stop? What if she ends up dying? Her death is on my hands.”

Sarala blinked. “You’ve matured a lot, kid. That sounds really grown-up for you. And you’re taking such responsibility… alright, I’ll support you. But if things get more dangerous… we’re heading back. Immediately.”

“Don’t worry. Murphy will save us. He always has.”

She smiled and looked down at her charge. ‘Of course, matured or not, he still has a long way to go,’ she thought to herself. “Well… let’s get moving, I suppose.”


Hizer was becoming very frustrated with the mazelike structure of Tourian. “Damn it. There’s those same tracks again. They disappeared right in the middle of the floor! How can they just vanish into thin air?!” In frustration, he extended his blade and smashed at the floor. At the very least, he hoped, the racket might shake something loose, or frighten his quarry, or spur them into trying to attack, or… Or maybe it would break away a false floor and reveal a path?

“Huh. That’s new.” And with that, he leapt after his prey without a moment’s thought.

Well, I don’t have much time to review this chapter, so I’ll just leave a few comments.

No, you didn’t overdo the imagery at all. That only happens if you include the entire dictionary in your writing with every other word being one that most people have never even heard of before. Doesn’t look like you did that.

The first paragraph is a little repetitive and choppy. “He did …” “He then …”, etc. I’m not sure if you did this anywhere else and I can’t check right now, so just keep that in mind.

…And… that’s all I can say at the moment. Too busy.

Betcha didn’t see THIS coming.

Chapter 10: Geoform 187

Murphy froze mid-stride. He opened his claw-gun and motioned to Irkalla. Irkalla raised his own cannon, whirled, and in a stunning display of reflexes, instantly sidestepped a slash from a massive blade. Hizer drew the blade back up and butted Irkalla in the chest, sending him crashing against a wall. Miikha jumped at the sound and turned to face Hizer, raising his pistol. “What the hell’s going on?!”

Hizer grunted and regained his stance. “I’m on orders from the Chozo HQ to eliminate Murphy and his supporters. I presume that’s who I have accosted?”

Murphy nodded. “I will not hide from my actions. I’m the one you want. But you don’t scare us. We are doing what’s right–we are saving whoever we can from your reign of terror.” He aimed his gun at Hizer’s face. “We won’t go without a fight. And we’ve got the firepower. Turn back, misguided soul, and you may yet live.”

The chozo hunter sneered and lunged at Murphy, who deftly leapt aside and fired a sizzling bolt of energy into his foe’s back. Hizer winced and stumbled, his feathers smoking and his skin bleeding. He squinted and rose up quickly, then lashed out with his battle-pole. The blade missed Murphy by a few inches, but the staff itself caught him straight in the chest. Murphy flew back from the impact and impacted the wall with a sickening crack, falling into a crumpled heap on the cold metal floor. Hizer spun and slashed at Antispa, catching the ki hunter by the arm and severing the end of his left pincer. Antispa squelaed in pain and began filling his neck-sacks with acidic fluid for a counter attack. He fired, but in his frantic rage, missed by a long shot. Miikha lunged for the chozo, catching him in the back of the head with his hard, chitonous hand. He drew blood, and stunned the bird-man–and then quickly took this opportunity to let off a salvo of energy from his pistol. Hizer leaned to the side in an attempt to evade the shot, but it still grazed his shoulder. He cried out in pain, and then in blind rage.

“You damn bugs won’t get away with this!” He screamed incoherently, and swung his pole overhead at Miikha. The bug’s eyes widened in fear, and he put up his hands for an ineffective parry. The blade sliced cleanly through his arms, head, and upper chest before losing momentum and sputtering out. Hizer chuckled, spun the pole, reactivated the blade and sliced right through Miikha’s side, dissecting his upper left torso entirely from the rest of his body. Miikha gasped one final time as his mangled body fell to the ground. Antispa roared in fury and unleashed a gob of acid at Hizer, and soon the chozo found his shoulder bare of feathers and in extreme pain. He kicked at the bug, knocking him to the floor, and raised his pole yet again. “That… hurt… you… bastard!” He began to swing the blade.

Suddenly, a new voice joined the cacaphony of the battle, this time a younger one. “Stop!”

Hizer turned his attention in the direction of the voice, spying a small bug-person’s frame. “Who are you, and what do you care about this worthless rebel’s life?”

Tikali gave Hizer the most hateful glare he’d ever mustered, and swore up a storm. His firey, determined eyes did not deter Hizer from attacking him, however.

“You dare talk to me that way, brat?!” He stumbled over to Tikali. “I’ll teach you respect, boy.” He readied his blade–when suddenly, a zigzagging bolt of energy seared right through the end of the pole. The bladed end fell to the ground, and the energy scythe deactivated itself. “The hell–”

Murphy fired again, this time aiming directly for the chozo’s head. Another white-hot wave blasted towards him, this time impacting him in the back of the skull. The bolt exited out the left eye socket, and Hizer dropped like a sack of rocks. He was dead long before he hit the ground.

“Tikali, you’re alright!”

Tikali nodded briefly, then suddenly his eyes shot to the mangled corpse of his father. “… Wha–”

Murphy’s eyes followed. He blinked hard, and his mandibles opened in speechless shock. Between being unconscious in a heap and being in the fray of a violent battle, he hadn’t even stopped to look at the dead body on the ground, and it had just now set in just what had happened. “… Miikha…?”

Antispa screeched in anger. “Yes. That bastard killed Miikha. And there wasn’t a goddamned thing I could do about it!” He dropped to the ground and cursed silently.

Murphy gently patted his good hand on Antispa’s back consolingly. “Miikha… was a good man. He supported our cause… he helped us all out many times. He went down in battle against the oppressors. It’s how he would have wanted it. Not to sound callous… but if we spend all our time moping, we’ll never avenge those we lost. Look at all the dead out there! Tourian is the last bastion of safety, and we can’t let those bastards invade it. Every one of us out there is in mortal danger. We have to finish our mission here, finish up the revolt, and save those people!”

Antispa cringed. “I guess you’re right. Let’s go find the bio-computer.”


The Mother Brain was growing irritated. Her control over the young bug was lessening. Perhaps she should find a new host after all… She began scanning the creatures around it. ‘That one seems like a good host. Young enough to still be powerful, and blinded enough by his mission that his mind certainly won’t be in good enough condition to resist me… Perfect,’ she thought to herself.

She focused her thoughts and sent out a barrage to infiltrate the mind of her new candidate: ‘Come to the Central Cortex Chamber, 182. You are needed.’


Murphy clutched his forehead and drew back in surprise. “What was that?!”

“Murphy? You alright?” Antispa hopped over. “Jeeze, between you and Irkalla, we’re never gonna get moving again.”

Right on cue, Irkalla finally stirred. “Huh… damn, my head hurts… who WAS that? What just happened?”

Murphy dropped on one knee and shook his head. “Chozo bounty hunter. We took him out. But–gah! There it is again!”

Tikala rushed over to Murphy, his face still covered in tears. He stuttered for a moment, then finally spoke. “… Murphy, the voice is gone. She isn’t asking me for help. Is she… did she move on to you?”

Stubborn as ever, Murphy simply shook his head. “No, never mind. It was just my imagination…” He chuckled softly. ‘Hah. She can only talk to those of weak minds, according to Irkalla. I’m not that weak. And even if I am, I can’t let the others doubt my leadership, for the sake of the slaves…’ He cleared his mind of those thoughts, and stood up. “Irkalla, Tikali, come on. We have to get moving.” One thought would not be shaken, however. Why had the mysterious message referred to him as one-eight-two? That was not his number…


The Mother Brain waited anxiously. They had to show up soon…

Sure enough, the door to her chamber at last slid open. Murphy stepped inside. Mother Brain instantly slammed the hatch shut, and fortified the shield lock. Murphy swore vehemently at the fact that he was tricked so easily. He raised his claw and aimed at the massive bulk of brain matter in the tube before him.

“Who are you, and what do you want with me?!”

Mother Brain did not speak. Perhaps she could not, or perhaps she simply chose not to. Instead, she simply manifested another pulse of thoughts and implanted them into Murphy’s mind. He stumbled back as the wave of impulses flooded over him: ‘You are the only hope. You must destroy the chozo and their allies. You must stop them at all costs.’ Variations of this message washed through his mind in an interminable deluge of confusion.

The room began to spin. “… Stop… I beg of you! I… can’t take much more of this!” Murphy’s battle-stressed mind was at its breaking point at last.

‘You are 187. You are our savior.’

“I don’t know who you are! I don’t know what 187 is! Leave me alone!”

‘You are 187. You are our savior.’

Murphy clawed helplessly at his forehead, trying to block the telepathic assault–to no avail. Finally, he bowed his head and closed his eyes. “… I am one-eight-seven, and I shall become your savior.”

‘Very good… very good. Step inside the chamber… Your current form is ill-suited for your mission.’

Murphy obeyed without question. He took a step towards a massive tube full of bubbling orange fluid. He entered a passcode he shouldn’t have known, without even thinking. The fluid drained, and the tube opened up. Murphy stepped inside, and the hatch whizzed shut behind him as the fluid filled the tube yet again.

The Mother Brain closed her massive eye and focused her energies on the Zeebetite in which her new slave was contained. At last…


Tikali, Sarala, and Irkalla paced anxiously in front of the door. “What’s going on in there?!” “What’s taking so long…?” “I hope Murphy’s alright…” Question after question, step after step, they wasted away what seemed like hours waiting in apprehension.

The relative silence was shattered by a piercing scream. It sounded like Murphy’s voice, yet somehow different. He screeched again, and an explosion shook the ground. The door slid open after what seemed like an eternity. Raising their weapons, the three outsiders rushed into the facility.

The massive winged silhouette of Geoform 187 greeted them. He screeched again in his unearthly new voice, and lashed his long, segmented tail about experimentally. Then he nodded and his eyes glowed with a newfound fire. “I accept your mission, Mother.”

The Mother Brain pulsed with excitement. ‘Very good, 187. Now, gather up the others of your race. We must strike tonight!’

The creature once known as Murphy nodded again, its crested head bobbing precariously on a long, thin neck. It spread its wings and flapped its way to the door. “Attention, all soldiers of the Zebesian Confederacy. Gather all the supplies you can, and storm the slave camps. We shall muster all the support possible immediately. You are dismissed!” He ended his order with another harsh shriek, and then returned to consult with the Mother Brain. His ‘troops’ could do nothing but stare in shock at what had become of their noble leader.